


you want a queen bee? well, there's half a dozen

by homosandhomies



Category: Glee, Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F, Female Friendship, Finn Hudson Being a Jerk, Outing, Spitefic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:53:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25899256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homosandhomies/pseuds/homosandhomies
Summary: he thinks that singing a ballad version of "girls just wanna have fun" fixes what he did? who the hell does that?santana doesn't immediately forgive finn, and her girls back her up.
Relationships: Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Comments: 14
Kudos: 64





	1. ex-wives

**Author's Note:**

> this fanfic, which takes place between "i kissed a girl" and "hold on to sixten," is inspired by this twitter thread!  
> https://twitter.com/alexthomassmith/status/1294224434492997632?s=21

As the bell rang, Will wrote “SECTIONALS” across the board. Turning around to the class, he said, “Okay, let’s brainstorm. Any song ideas?”

“We should do something by Tegan and Sara,” Finn called out before turning to Santana in the back and giving her a wink.

 _Finn’s been weird lately. I mean, weird for him,_ Santana thought. _Last night, he sent me a picture of him reading The Color Purple, and earlier that day he said we should meet up and watch But I’m a Cheerleader. It’s like he thinks he’s an honorary lesbian now. Pretty soon he’ll be decked head to toe in flannel and adopt a bunch of cats. He thinks that singing a ballad version of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun fixes what he did? Who the hell does that?_

Santana glared at him. She felt a hand on her knee.

Brittany.

"Mr. Schue?" her girlfriend said with her hand raised. “I have an idea for this week’s assignment.”

Mr. Schue’s brow furrowed in surprise. Brittany never really had her own ideas. “Uh, sure. Shoot.”

“I think we should do a week dedicated to Six,” she suggested.

A couple girls (and Kurt) gasped in excitement.

“What’s… Six?” Mr. Schue asked.

“It’s that new West End musical about the six wives of King Henry VIII!” Tina exclaimed.

“And it’s all the rage in the theater community right now,” Kurt added. “I’ve been listening to the West End cast recording on a loop for weeks now.”

“I think the girls should use this week to express how they feel,” Brittany said. “We can all sing to Finn about how much of idiot he is.”

Santana smirked.

“Excuse me?” Finn said.

“Brittany, you know we don’t tolerate bullying here,” Mr. Schue said, his tone cross.

“Yeah, tell that to the guy who outed Santana,” Quinn replied nonchalantly.

“She had it coming!” Finn retorted. “She’s the one who was calling me fat and stuff.”

“Finn,” Rachel stated, “normally I would side with you, but there is a difference between schoolyard taunts and endangering someone’s life.”

Kurt stood up. “Queens, I fully support your movement. I have a speaker in my backpack at all times, and my iTunes linked. To the auditorium!”

Everyone started walking out of the choir room, some in excitement and some in confusion. Finn pulled Kurt back.

“Kurt, you’re my brother,” Finn pleaded.

“And they’re my sisters,” Kurt countered.

* * *

As the boys settled into the seats, one spotlight lit up on stage right, presenting Mercedes in a gold and black striped dress and a golden crown, facing upstage.

 _“Divorced!”_ she commanded the audience.

Lights up on Tina in green. _“Beheaded!”_

Lights up on Rachel. _"Died!”_

Lights up on Quinn. _“Divorced!”_

Lights up on Brittany. “ _Beheaded_!”

Lights up on Santana. _“Survived!”_

Mercedes turned around and addressed the audience. “And tonight, New Directions, we are….”

In unison, they all belted, _“Live!”_

  
  


[MERCEDES]

_Listen up, let me tell you a story_

[TINA]

_A story that you think_

_You've heard before_

[RACHEL]

_We know you know our names_

_And our fame and our faces_

[QUINN]

_Know all about the glories_

_And the disgraces_

[BRITTANY]

_I'm done 'cause all this time_

_I've been just one word_

_In a stupid rhyme_

[SANTANA]

_So I picked up a pen and a microphone_

[ALL]

_History's about to get overthrown_

[MERCEDES]

_Divorced_

[TINA]

_Beheaded_

[RACHEL]

_Died_

[QUINN]

_Divorced_

[BRITTANY]

_Beheaded_

[SANTANA]

_Survived_

[ALL]

_But just for you tonight_

_We're divorced, beheaded_

_Live!_

_Welcome to the show_

_To the historemix_

_Switching up the flow_

_As we add the prefix_

_Everybody knows that_

_We used to be six wives_

_Raising up the roof_

_Till we hit the ceiling_

_Get ready for the truth_

_That we'll be revealing_

_Everybody knows_

_That we used to be six wives_

_But now we're_

_Ex-wives_

[MERCEDES]

_All you ever hear and read about_

[TINA]

_Is our ex and the way it ended_

[RACHEL]

_But a pair doesn't beat a royal flush_

[QUINN]

_You're gonna find out_

_How we got unfriended_

[BRITTANY]

_Tonight we gonna do ourselves justice_

_'Cause we're taking you to court_

[SANTANA]

_Every Tudor Rose has its thorns_

_And you're gonna hear 'em live: in consort_

[MERCEDES]

_Divorced_

[TINA]

_Beheaded_

[RACHEL]

_Died_

[QUINN]

_Divorced_

[BRITTANY]

_Beheaded_

[SANTANA]

_Survived_

[ALL]

_But just for you tonight_

_We're divorced, beheaded_

_Live!_

_Welcome to the show_

_To the historemix_

_Switching up the flow_

_As we add the prefix_

_Everybody knows that_

_We used to be six wives_

_Dancing to the beat_

_Till the break of day, once_

_We're done, we'll start again_

_Like it's the Renaissance_

_Everybody knows_

_That we used to be six wives_

_But now we're_

_Ex-wives_

_Divorced_

[MERCEDES]

_My name is Catherine of Aragon_

_Was married 24 years, I'm a paragon_

_Of royalty, my loyalty is to the Vatican_

_So if you try to dump me_

_You won't try that again_

[ALL]

_Beheaded_

[TINA]

_I'm that Boleyn girl_

_And I'm up next, see_

_I broke England from the Church_

_Yeah, I'm that sexy_

_Why did I lose my head?_

_Well my sleeves may be green_

_But my lipstick's red!_

[ALL]

_Died_

[RACHEL]

_Jane Seymour, the only one he truly loved_

[ALL]

_Rude_

[RACHEL]

_When my son was newly born_

_I died, but I'm not what I seem_

_Or am I?_

_Stick around and you'll_

_Suddenly see more_

[ALL]

_Divorced_

[QUINN]

_Ich bin Anna of Cleves_

[ALL]

_Ja_

[QUINN]

_When he saw my portrait he was like—_

[ALL]

_Jaa_

[QUINN]

_But I didn't look as good_

_As I did in my pic_

_Funny how we all discuss that_

_But never Henry's little—_

[BRITTANY]

_Prick up your ears, I'm the Katherine_

_Who lost her head_

[ALL]

Beheaded

[BRITTANY]

_For my promiscuity outside of wed-_

_Lock up your husbands_

_Lock up your sons_

_K Howard is here_

_And the fun's begun_

[ALL]

_Survived_

[SANTANA]

_Five down, I'm the final wife_

_I saw him to the end of his life_

_I'm the survivor, Catherine Parr_

_I bet you wanna know how I got this far_

_I said, I bet you wanna know_

_How we got this far_

_Hey!_

[ALL]

_Do you wanna know how we got this far?_

_Then welcome to the show_

_To the historemix_

_Switching up the flow_

_As we add the prefix_

_Everybody knows that_

_We used to be six wives_

_Get your hands up_

_Get this party buzzing_

_You want a queen Bee?_

_Well there's half a dozen_

_Everybody knows that_

_We used to be six wives_

_But now we're_

_Ex-wives!_

_One, two, three, four, five_

_Six!_

  
  


The small audience erupted in applause (besides Finn, who had his arms crossed and a pout on his face).

Mr. Schue smiled. “You know what? You’ve officially convinced me. It’s Six week.”

“But, Mr. Schue—” Finn interrupted.

“Finn, I’ve been favoring you for too long,” Mr. Schue admitted. “It’s time we listen to the girls for once.”

Santana stared at her teacher, bewildered. Maybe things would turn up after all.


	2. no way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for all of the kudos and kind comments! i wasn't sure if i was going to continue this fic, but i guess i am now, lol.

Finn walked down the halls with his signature look of confusion on his face.

 _“Normally I’d be picking a song to sing this week, but this week it’s all about the girls. And not just Rachel,”_ Finn thought. _“I still don’t understand what I did wrong. I mean, yeah, I know I’m not always in the right, but an entire week dedicated to making fun of me? I mean, I can’t be that much of an ass. I’m a good person, right? At least I try to be.”_

As he continued to walk down the hall, he noticed Santana talking to the girls. They glared at him, then continued their conversation.

_“It’s such a double standard. She makes fun of me all the time, so I fight back once and suddenly I’m the bad guy? It makes no sense.”_

As he walked into the choir room, he saw that most of the guys were already in the room. He sat down next to Kurt, who was looking at his phone.

“Hey,” Finn said casually. Kurt rolled his eyes. “What? You’re still not talking to me?”

Kurt looked at him. “Do you not realize this affects me too?”

Finn frowned in confusion, as always. “What do you mean? This is between me and Santana.”

“You, Santana, and every gay person,” Kurt said.

Finn sighed and moved to the chair next to Puck.

“You’re not getting any pity from me, dude,” Puck said. “What you did wasn’t cool.”

Will walked into the room enthusiastically. “Okay guys, give it up for Mercedes and the New Direction girls!”

The girls walked into the choir room in a line, all in costume, with Mercedes in the lead.

“Why is Mercedes singing to me?” Finn asked. "What did I do to her?"

"Nothing," Mercedes said. "But when you mess with my girl, you mess with me. And I'm destined to play Catherine of Aragon. Hit it!"

[MERCEDES]

_N-n-n-n-n-n-no way_

_There's no way_

_You must agree that baby_

_In all the time I've been by your side_

_I've never lost control_

_No matter how many times I knew you lied_

_Have my golden rule_

_Got to keep my cool_

_Yeah, baby_

[ENSEMBLE]

_You know she's got to keep her cool_

[MERCEDES]

_And even though you've had your fun_

_Running around with some pretty young thing_

_And even though you've had one son_

_With someone who don't own a wedding ring_

_No matter what I heard_

_I didn't say a word_

_No, baby_

[ENSEMBLE]

_You know she never said a word_

[MERCEDES]

_I put up with your sh—_

_Like every single day_

_But now it's time to shh_

_And listen when I say_

_Woo!_

_You must think that I'm crazy_

_You wanna replace me?_

_Baby, there's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way_

_If you think for a moment_

_I'd grant you annulment, just hold up_

_There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way_

_No way_

_No way_

_There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way_

_No way_

_No way_

_There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way_

_There's no way_

_So you read a Bible verse that I'm cursed_

_'Cause I was your brothers wife_

_You say it's a pity 'cause, quoting Leviticus_

_I'll end up kiddy-less all my life_

_Well, daddy, weren't you there_

_When I gave birth to Mary?_

Aw, hi, baby!

[ENSEMBLE]

_Daughters are so easy to forget_

[MERCEDES]

_You're just so full of sh—_

_Must think that I'm naïve_

_I won't back down, won't shh_

_And know I'll never leave_

_You must think that I'm crazy_

_You wanna replace me?_

_Baby, there's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way_

_If you thought it'd be funny to_

_Send me to a nunnery_

_Honey, there's no way_

_No way_

_No way_

_There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way_

_No way_

_No way_

_There's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way_

_There's no way_

_Hey!_

(Woo!)

(Let's go!)

(Woo!)

(Here we go!)

_You've got me down on my knees_

_Please tell me what you think I've done wrong_

_Been humble, been loyal, I've tried_

_To swallow my pride all along_

_If you can just explain_

_A single thing I've done to cause you pain, I'll go_

No?

_You've got nothing to say_

_I'm not going away_

_There's no way_

_You must think that I'm crazy_

_You wanna replace me?_

_Baby, there's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way_

_You made me your wife_

_So I'll be queen till the end of my life_

_N-n-n-n-n-n-no way_

_No way_

_No way_

_N-n-n-n-nope n-nope n-nope no! (No way)_

_No! (No way)_

_There's n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-no way_

_There's no way!_


End file.
